5 Weeks!!

Okay, it's hard now. Struggling with feeling angry and irritable at the moment. People trying to help but it just makes me more annoyed. I think its just that they dont understand. They say things like 'not long now' or 'you're looking great' or anything really....
Yeah, i look great in clothes but thats not the purpose of this. They have no idea what i need to look like or what i actually do look like. I think the perception out there is still that i am just trying to be skinny.
Or I get, 'you poor thing' 'what? you cant eat that?'
You know, no one put a gun to my head. This is my choice and I choose to do what is needed to get up there and be competitive. I am NOT a poor thing!!
Or others saying, can you eat salad? And trying to offer me alternatives.
'No, I cant. Everything is weighed and timed' I can only eat what I prepare and at certain times and in certain amounts.'
I go to mum's and she talks non stop about the restaurants people are going to, the food she is preparing, the food she wants to prepare and the food others are preparing etc etc.
Dont people have anything else too talk about?
Its not like i can relate to her at the moment.
Then she goes overboard in trying not to talk about food by making a big deal about 'slipping up' and talking about food.
Thats the kind of thing that drives me nuts. That and people trying to find ways of this not being hard. They just dont get it. It is hard and it is meant to be hard and thats why most people dont do it.
If it was easy, everyone would be walking around with shredded bodies full of energy and happiness. la la la
Do you readers get the message yet? lol I am agro!!
Oh well, not long now...... ;-)

5 weeks, 6 days :-)

Okay, getting closer. Today was a big challenge. Still have this throat infection, work was very busy, and 2 cardio, 1 weights session.
I felt like i was turning into the exorcist chick at the gym. Poor Gonz got most of it.
I have also dosed up on painkillers for most of the day and spend half of it spitting up yellow phlegm. yay.
Things are crazy in the Simmi household.
Well, this is my path and I am truly walking it alone from here. Gonz was left behind a long while ago, he is support where he can be but I am out on my own now.
I am really feeling that now. No one around me understands what I am going through. Thats okay. I do thrive on this kind of challenge. I am going to make it, I dont think it gets much harder than this.
Time for bed, then get up and do it again. I hope tomorrow is more managable with work. I still need to bring in the work (and money) but please tomorrow, dont be too crazy...

6.5 weeks and counting!

Okay, well besides getting another cold things are going well. Diet is booring but I have to say I am usually not hungry. My mind is starting to play tricks on me. telling me this doesnt really matter, I don't have to try so hard, its only a bb comp and i shouldnt let it take priority over life... things like that.
If i listen to that it can really undermine my efforts and I have coped my talking to Gonz about it and just generally talking about that.
Life would be easier (i think) if i didnt put so much effort into other things like my business, keeping up with friends and family etc. But I am NOT prepared to take things that far. My business needs to grow and it will be there after the comp.
I can honestly say that I feel a lot more sane this time round. I dont know why, perhaps my previous eating disorder DID have a massive impact on my head space and contributed to the cloudiness. It has really not been too bad this time.
I am gradually having a harder time getting a good night sleep due to my mind going over things and I anticipate that that will settle when i finish competing.
Training is hard but it is so nice having Gonz there to keep me going when my muscles are screaming and burning and i feel like dropping them and crying. ha ha I sound like a pussie.
So, today is legs then a massage then more cardio. Cardio is prob harder than weights as my legs get the shakes and i feel like i can keep going.. but i do. I have one ear phone in and have the tv going as the IQ box is recording all episodes of Star trek deep space nine and Voyager. That keeps me distracted for now.
Not long to go and its very exciting.

8 weeks to go!

Sunday today. I am feeling better. Had another bad one yesterday mainly work related. I really need a receptionist!! And I have started making this possible.
Last cheat meal also today and I am looking forward to getting together with Cath, Jared and the clan for home made gnocchi. It's been good to relax today and prepare for the next week. As of tomorrow I no longer have my oats for breakfast. :-(
Instead, it will be 80g chicken. mmmmm
I am thinking its time to switch to free range for better taste.
Cardio has been twice a day too. The felt on my spin bike wore down to the plastic and I was lucky to have Gonz around to replace it as I had no idea.
So, the bike is now all ready to go for the next 8-10 weeks.
Training will be supersets for the next 2 weeks. My weight is about 64.5kg. I am happy with my progress and not stressing too much about getting in shape in time. I know it will happen.
And I trust Donny's advice.

8.5 weeks out

3rd July and time is going by quickly. Started cardio twice a day now. Feeling my strength reducing too. My head has also started playing tricks on me and i did have a mini melt down friday and saturday. I put it down to doing too much. Gonz and I have spoken about it and I feel better now.
Sunday was spent on the couch and i didnt even get out of my pajamas all day. that is very unusual for me. Had a great sleep and woke 5:30am to get back on the bike.
Weight is down around 66kg.
The next 8 weeks are going to go so fast and it is getting exciting.
I have decided i need some help around work etc. and Gonz has started taking over some of the jobs i would have normally done.
This allows me some time to just lie down or sit and do nothing (which i feel like a slack arse for doing). It really does help. I have also been stressing about working alot and fitting everybody in but I just have to say no for my own sanity.
We have a few things on this weekend which i feel a little anxious about but after this weekend, I wont be doing much at all.
I have started forgetting things and have made a few stuff ups like booking a whole client list in for last saturday in sunshine when no one was going to be there. No good.
I now am looking for a receptionist to do a few hours a day, will ask mum first.
Training going well otherwise and loving seeing the changes in the gym mainly with more vascularity coming out. I am waiting for my stomach to show veins as it means that gut is nearly gone. Woo hoo.