13 days out

Today is Sunday and right now I am feeling pretty weak and flat. I have moments where I think i feel okay and then i hit a wall and feel like i am going to collapse. Training is real hard and I lose the little bit of energy I manage to muster very quickly. I am getting quite lean but feel really small up top. My legs still look pretty good. Had a small party at my place last night where I cooked 2 dishes to share and people brought a plate and drinks. I had help to cook the mini cottage pies and vegetable pie and they turned out really well. I didn't eat one single morsal either. It smelled great and was nice to cook something other than chicken, brocolli, roo, egg whites. I am so close now that I know I don't have long to wait until I can enjoy a nice meal myself.
Life in general is otherwise going well and I feel quite relaxed about it. My business is up and growing steadily, relationships and friendships going well and I am seriously looking at property (which I feel surprisingly calm about even though it has been the one thing i have aimed for but also been scared shitless about).
I just want to feel normal again and I want this cloud to clear out of my head. I do have moments where everything is clear but they don't last long.
Routine is sorted and I am going over it again and again. Posing could still improve. Cardio is a real struggle but I am getting through it. Just day by day. I hope the October comps aren't this hard to prep for. I hope the hard work i do now will make that 8 weeks all the more easier. I guess it all depends on how much I eat after the bendigio show. thats going to be hard cause I have so many things I want to eat.
oh well.